World Bank urges Malawi to export more adults, fewer children (satire)

Her i Malawi er der mange ting, der ikke fungerer som de gør der hjemme. Service på restauranter er en af dem.

I går spiste vi nogle stykker på det resort, som Madonna havde lejet, da hun var her nede i forbindelse med hendes adoptionssag. Det er et helt enormt super lækkert sted, hvor der helt uden et sekunds tvivl er blevet brugt ri'tti' ri'tti' mange penge og tid på at skabe.

Vi var 9 mand, der havde bestilt bord og skulle have tre retter.

Forretten var noget super lækkert hvidt brød, der var ristet med noget hvidløgssmør og med humus til. Super lækkert.

Ca. en halv time efter, at vi var færdige med at spise, kom der en tjener og fjernede en-to tallerkener ad gangen - ligesom de havde bragt maden: en-to tallerkner ad gangen.

Og derfra gik snakken, og nu ventede vi jo bare på hovedretten, og mens vi ventede havde vi noget god vin at drikke, så vi havde det fint. Men en time efter, at vores tallerkener var fjernet, sendte vi alligevel en eksspres ned for at høre, hvor maden blev af. Og da blev han oplyst om, at det var en buffet, som vi imidlertid nu måtte konstatere var kold og nærmest tom, og at hov, det havde de vist glemt at fortælle os.

Vi spiste det sidste, der trods det var koldt smagte rigtig godt, og fik bagefter en rigtig god dessert med æbletærte og hjemmelavet is og kaffe og te. Manageren kom ved kaffen op og fortalte, at hun beklagede meget for den dårlige service, og at vi fik maden gratis og kun skulle betale for vores vin og kaffe og sådan.

Så i det hele taget redede hun aftenen, og jeg tror vi allesammen er nysgerrige efter at komme igen og prøve en aften med god mad og god betjening.

Men vi kunne ikke lade være med at tale om, at det sgu er ærgeligt: Det er så tæt på! Og der skal så lidt til for, at det er rigtig lækkert.

Jeg kom til at tænke på episoden fra i aftes, da jeg ville dele et lille satirisk indslag fra en satirisk avis, som en har sendt til mig:

LILONGWE. Officials at the World Bank say Malawi is relying too heavily on exporting low cost unrefined children to child collector Madonna, and have urged the African nation to develop new value-added refined exports such as servile adults. Madonna could not be reached for comment as she is currently haggling with parents in a remote rural village.

Recent figures released by the Malawian department of Trade and Industry showed that the export of children had become the country's third largest generator of foreign currency after marijuana and hand-carved chess sets.

A spokesman for the Ministry, Sparkles Kabinde, confirmed that since Madonna acquired David Banda the international demand for Malawian infants had "spiraled out of control".

"It's like the post-Christmas sales," he said. "We're actually having to pull babies out of their hands. You can't behave like that. At least not until you've paid for the child."

This morning World Bank spokesman Hans Tiet begged the Malawian government to reconsider its policies on selling children to American celebrities on the rebound.

"We're asking them to look at putting their adults up for adoption," he confirmed.

"We know that there are thousands of families across the United States and Europe who have a huge amount of love to give a 25-year-old Malawian butler or cabana boy.

"Or if not love, at least a hutch out back by the woodpile and some blankets."

Kabinde said the Malawian government agreed with Tiet in principle, but added that the export of skilled adults remained a pipe dream.

"We'd love to export skilled adults, but we don't have any," he said. "Adults who can hold a broom or a spade are all working as gardeners for below minimum wage in South Africa, and those who aren't competent enough for brooms or spades are in government."

Asked what was propping up the Malawian economy, Kabinde explained that there were 38 senior citizens who were not in South Africa or in government who were keeping the country afloat by carving chess sets.

He would neither confirm nor deny that genetically modified marijuana was also an important source of income, but he said he knew someone who knew someone who might know, depending on who was asking, and whether they were paying in Rands or dollars.

Jeg håber, at I kan tage disse indslag med et smil på læben, for det er sådan alle disse afrikanske finurligheder bliver taget af os, der lever med det.